WIP challenge: day 3 check-in!

[littlebutfierce]

How's the end of the week going so far?

Poll #8696

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9

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How are you feeling about your fic today?

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What did you do today on your fic?

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Write
7 (77.8%)

Edit
3 (33.3%)

Send to beta
0 (0.0%)

Research
0 (0.0%)

Post
0 (0.0%)

Took the day off
1 (11.1%)

If you wrote today, how much did you write?

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1-249 words
2 (28.6%)

250-499 words
1 (14.3%)

500-749 words
0 (0.0%)

750-999 words
3 (42.9%)

Over 1000 words
1 (14.3%)

For discussion: This post lists several kinds of fear that prevent us from getting started on something:

Fear of Apathy. “I can’t start this until I’m positive the work will never become dull or difficult.”

Fear of Ambiguity. “I can’t start this until I know exactly how it will turn out (as well as the precise method by which I’ll do it).”

Fear of Disconnection. “I can’t start this until I’m totally up-to-date and current on everything.”

Fear of Imperfection. “I can’t start this until I know the end product will be flawless.”

Fear of Incompletion. “I can’t start this until I’m already done with it.”

Fear of Isolation. “I can’t start this until I know making it will never be lonely.”

Fear of Sucking. “I can’t start this until I’m already awesome at it (and know that even horrible people whom I dislike will hail me as a genius).”

Fear of Fear itself. “I can’t start this until I’m guaranteed that making it will never be scary.”

Which, if any, of these apply to you? Which ones are hardest to deal w/when you're getting started on something? How do you overcome them?

Comments

[littlebutfierce]

Wrote 800-ish words for the thing I'm trying to do for eastasianfandomgiftbag. The fic could potentially be really big & require a bit of research &... that's not what I was expecting? I hope I have the courage to keep going w/it.

So yeah, fear! I have "fear of sucking" a lot, though I've gotten better at breaking that down. I think I have a fear of finishing things, though; if I post a fic, it's like saying that I think it is good enough, in its present state, to show to people, that it's worth someone reading. & sometimes that feels like a v. bold thing to say, that I don't always feel I can live up to! I also fear hard work on a fic a lot of the time (see above about me being scared of research ^^;;;).

Edit: Forgot to say how I overcome them! I just try to keep myself writing, & give myself permission to churn out a lot of crap, since I can always edit later. ^^;;;

[jagnikjen]

Hoping to make some progress on revisions, but got distracted by Christmas decorating.

[littlebutfierce]

At least that's a hopefully-fun distraction! (as opposed to one of those cycles where one just keeps refreshing the same pages on the internet, etc....)

[elleth]

49 words of rubbish so far. I'm not trying to be negative, but re-reading what I posted of the fic so far was... enlightening about the lack of reviews. How did it never seem as horrid in my files and how the hell did I miss all the flaws?

So, fears - fear of imperfection and fear of sucking, often. Sometimes apathy, ambiguity and disconnection. And I... don't overcome them not really. I've gotten better at squashing them down and doing it anyway, and I started working with a denial/rewards system (no more cups of tea until I get another 500 words written!) which at least gets the words down for editing.

[littlebutfierce]

Oh no, I'm sorry you're having regrets over what you've posted of your fic so far!! Good luck getting on w/it from here, & even if those 49 words are terrible... at least you're still thinking about the fic & not giving up on it??

I think squashing down the fears & carrying on anyway amounts to pretty much the same thing as far as being awesome!! Yay for finding something that works for you.

[sharpiefan]

Mine's not listed. It's not Fear of Sucking so much as Fear of Failure: People expect my fics to be so good that I'm worried my next one won't live up to their expectations and they'll realise I'm rally not that good a writer!!

I posted in my own journal earlier that I've got nine days to come up with an entry for an Advent Calendar challenge and a dear friend replied: We will be glad for anything you can offer - and if it's from you, it will be brilliant. Fact. I'm glad she's confident in that, because I'm not!!

*wibbles*

[littlebutfierce]

Ah! That is a tricky one!! & it's true, once you post once & it goes over all right, or no one throws tomatoes -- they even seem to LIKE it, then... performance anxiety!

I kind of like to think that the fics I post (in fandoms where my previous fics have been well-received) that go over like lead balloons, well... they keep me humble? Ha.

[sharpiefan]

'Performance anxiety' is a good description of it.

Also, it's given me the teeniest tiniest idea of something I could write! Yay!

[littlebutfierce]

!! Yay for ideas! :D

[terajk]

I wrote 2 drabbles, then wrote almost 300 words on my white_lotus assignment. On the one hand I'm SUPER IN LOVE with it; on the other it's actually sort of PLOTTY. (I've never written actual plot before!)

Fear of Imperfection is definitely a problem for me. As a kid I wrote stories to make myself happy. Then in my first year of high school, my first English paper was 10 pages about how you could see Sigmund Frued's descriptions of neurosis in the characters from Willa Cather's novel O! Pioneers!, and how those traits helped them survive. My teacher (who never countered my argument, but asked questions in the margins and expanded on it) nevertheless took a grade letter off because "most incoming freshmen write three-page essays." Then I spent four years learning to write the Five-Paragraph Essay, which was the only allowable way to write anything and was very stifling for me.

By college I didn't have to write Five-Paragraph Essays anymore (thank goodness), but the writing for fun/because it made me happy had stopped. I'd learned to write to please other people (each teacher always wanted their essays to have certain things in them). And when I started writing fic much later, it was still as something to make other people happy. And I got nervous about stuff that made ME happy.

But! This week I wrote a story for a friend for the very first time. And it made me SO HAPPY, even as I was terrified and had to poke fictional people to have conversations they didn't want to have. And because the same things make us both happy, I put stuff in my friend's fic that I wouldn't have had the courage to put in otherwise. (One line in particular was an idea I'd played with in an earlier story, but removed it at the last minute).

So, for my white_lotus assignment, I'm just going to bathe in that joy. If something makes me happy, I'll put it in. And if I can think of scenes or perfect lines that don't quite go there yet, I'll make use of [SOMETHING] or [WRITE MORE LATER]. I'll let all the darlings come--the second draft is when you kill them, anyway :D

[littlebutfierce]

AHAHAHA I hear you on the fear of plot. I've been slowly leveling up at my Actual Plot skills this year, in part thanks to the encouragement of some v. lovely betas & readers. But yeah, my instinct is to still stick w/sap-tastic feeeeeeelings &, well, not much else!

Your first-year English teacher sounds horrible. :/ & that's dreadful that it killed your love of writing. Not such an uncommon experience, I bet. ;_;

But hooray for being able to get in touch w/writing things that make YOU happy too!!!! That's awesome that you're getting back to that again. Thank goodness!!!

(& ha, I end up putting lots of "[touching dialogue here]" or "[THEN SOMEHOW THIS SCENE RESOLVES]" in my first drafts too.)

[pinstripefedora]

Today was a much better writing day than yesterday was. Oh, so much. I credit the fact that I managed to sneak in a nap earlier in the afternoon. Wondrous things, naps.

Over 1,000 words today, which actually wasn't much considering the sheer amount of time I spent trying to get the words out (not to mention a lot of them aren't staying, but that's fine), but I finally managed to work through a block I was having on a particular scene, so I should at least finish that part off within the next couple of days. And working through this particular block has also helped me figure out why some of my other scenes aren't working either, so I'm pretty excited about that.

Getting started today felt like pulling teeth. I tried something new, which seemed to help - when I got blocked on one scene, I'd switch to another and work on it for a while, rather than just staring at a blinking cursor for who knows how many hours like I usually do. I'm not sure if I managed to write any more than I would have otherwise, but at least I feel more productive, which sometimes is all it takes to keep going, I guess. And towards the end, when I figured out the scene that had been tripping me up, the words really started flowing. It's been awhile since it's my writing's gone that smoothly for me.

As for the discussion: Fear of Ambiguity is probably the most difficult to overcome for me, especially when I'm getting started. Blank word processors always seem like they're laughing at me. I usually just have to buckle down and keep at it, though, and after a number of false starts, suddenly an image or a phrase pops into my head that is just perfect, and everything unfolds from there. If that doesn't work, then I usually just decide it's not that idea's time yet and give it more time to cook on the back burner. Either that or cry.

I also struggle with Fear of Sucking and Fear of Imperfection a whole lot. Sometimes, when that happens, I go back and read something I wrote a long time ago that I thought sucked at the time. 98% of the time, it wasn't nearly as bad as I remember it being, and in fact sometimes it's downright great. Some of it even seems better than what I'm writing now, though, which can create a whole new and different kind of anxiety. :/ I also try to tell myself that even if I do suck, I won't get any better if I don't keep at it.

Another thing I do, when I'm seized by a particular fit of despair that I'll never be as good a writer as [insert favorite writer here] and why even bother trying, is give myself a stern talking-to, and inform myself that, you know what? I'm probably right. I'll never be in that top-tier. But if I work very hard, I might be able to make it to the second tier. And I think I can live with that. (Barring that, I call my sister and say, "Lie if you have to, but tell me I'm wonderful.")

And this comment is way too long. :/

[littlebutfierce]

No, no, I love long thinky discussion comments!! Even if sometimes I fail at having anything clever to say in response.

& naps are magical things, indeed! 1000+ words is AWESOME.

Yay for getting into the flow of things! I find skipping around scenes seems to help me sometimes, too -- if nothing else, I get more of the fic written (which then sometimes helps convince me that it deserves to be worked on, even if it means finding a way to deal w/the trickiest scene that I've skipped). & sometimes my brain seems to keep working on the problem scene in the background anyway, & comes up w/a way forward.

If that doesn't work, then I usually just decide it's not that idea's time yet and give it more time to cook on the back burner.

Yeah, that makes sense. Sometimes I go through my old snippet/WIP files & find something I'd forgotten about from months ago, & either it's not as bad as I thought at the time, or I have a new idea, on rereading it, about what to do to progress it. Such a lovely experience!

I know I'm never going to be the Best Writer ever, heh. Though sometimes I do feel like I should be better than I am. ^^;;; I suppose lots of people feel like that! I try to remember all the people who do seem to enjoy my fic, warts & all, & also... there are some fic writers I read whose turns of phrase make me gasp w/how amazing they are, but... there are also tons of fics I enjoy that aren't as technically skilled. So I try to remember that surely some people feel that way about my fics: not perfect by any means, but enjoyable nevertheless. Heh.

[pinstripefedora]

Yay, naps! \o/

I always love coming across things I've forgotten I've written, especially if they're good. There's always that dissonance of not remembering it, but there it is in your WIP folder, so you must of have written it... I always get paranoid that I've been writing in my sleep, or other people have been playing with my WIP folder. D: But then I realize that that's okay, because now I have another cool story to play with.

And to your last paragraph, yeah, I think that's basically what I was trying to say. When people ask who the best writers in my fandom are, there are a few that come to mind immediately - the ones that, as you said, make me gasp from their amazing turns of phrase, the ones that I will read no matter what they're writing about because they are just that good. But then, there are those who I read that aren't as polished, but there's just something about them that makes me look past their flaws and see instead the enthusiasm they have for the characters and for the story they're writing. Those can be just as enjoyable as the stories written by the few amazing authors, although objectively, they don't write as well. Realizing that has helped me get over that inevitable"omg what if it's not perfect I'm going to suck oh noes D:" feeling I always get when I first start working on something.

[lullabymoon]

I tidied my desk. I feel so much better after that, despite not getting anything else I had planned to do done.

As for me, it's definitely the fear of imperfection, but that applies to everything in my life. Last year or so doing some research for a paper for class, I realised that it's why I leave everything to the last minute - if it's not perfect then that's because I left it to the last minute, not because I'm useless and horrible. Hasn't helped me get round the issue yet though :D

[littlebutfierce]

When the house has crossed my (fairly low -_-;;) standards of Clean Enough, it's hard for me to focus on other things, so yay for cleaning up your desk!

That's a good point about procrastination as a safe excuse for imperfection. I'm sorry you struggle w/that!!

[lacerta]

I spent yesterday on the first two paragraphs of a fic. It's not very productive, re-arranging 120 words over and over, and I've been making efforts to avoid doing this. There are some fics that I've killed that way, after all. But I've also noticed that I find it much harder to edit a fic if I'm unhappy with the beginning, even if I found the right voice a few paragraphs in. So... maybe this is a technique that helps my writing, and instead of avoiding it all together, it'd be better to make sure I don't overdo it.

For me, it's also fear of sucking and imperfection, but the former at least is something I'm handling well by now. I'm very aware that my writing has become better through regular practice. (Or so I hope anyway *g*.) What I'm not dealing well with is fear of incompletion. I've never thought of it this way, but "I can't start this until I'm already done with it" rings oddly true.

[littlebutfierce]

It's good to know how your writing mind works, so it sounds like getting the beginning just right is a good thing to do!

I'm a firm believer in the "I must be getting better by now, I've done so much" thing too. Let's hope it's true!

[elistaire]

Fear of all of the above!

I've shucked my other duties for the day to try to commit to some beta work, Christmas obligations, cooking, and writing. I am hoping that the writing will actually happen.

[littlebutfierce]

Oooh, busy day! I hope you're able to get some writing in there around all the other important stuff.

[bay_alexison]

Able to get close to 700 words of my help_japan. Going back to it slowly, but hopefully I’ll be able to pick up momentum again writing this story like the last few days of NaNo

For the discussion I’m between fear of apathy, ambiguity, and sucking. I’m always worried if my works are becoming too difficult to handle, thus then leading me to thinking someone else will be able to write this story better and if I post it I’ll be made fun of for any silly mistakes I made. I try to overcome that by saying it’s my story and not theirs (the audience, certain people I know in fandom I worried will make fun of my work, etc. ). As for ambiguity, I’m moreso afraid I’ll leave the project alone for months if I mull over how I’ll approach the story. I would force myself to finish the story if that’s the case, even if the end result won’t be the best in the world.

[littlebutfierce]

Woohoo for those 700 words!!!

Yeah, sometimes I feel like there are stories that no one else is going to tell if I don't tell them, so... if they're not perfect, well, at least they're out there? ^^;;

[lacygrey]

Discussion. It think RL anxieties are worse than any I might have about fic. Writing fic is escapism for me - the monster behind me making me want to rebel and write is more frightening than any that might lie ahead. This said I do sometimes have a fear of fandom chewing me up or hating me, i.e., a fear of posting.

[littlebutfierce]

the monster behind me making me want to rebel and write is more frightening than any that might lie ahead

That's awesome, though! It's fantastic that your drive to write is so strong!!!