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writethisfanficHello fellow writers! I hope your day has been a good one!
It's Friday, so it's time to share snippets of what you've written, ask for a beta, etc.
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It's Friday, so it's time to share snippets of what you've written, ask for a beta, etc.
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Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 19:16 (UTC)As for a snippet... let's see, here's something from the seventh chapter of "Three and a Half Days", in which Garak tries to pass the hours while stuck in quarantine with a crowd of other people on the station's Promenade...
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The day was rendered even brighter by a spot of friendly interest: Ms. Fedaro, the generous lady of the bright pink shawl, came by just before lunch with her daughter, a little girl of equivalent development to a Cardassian six year old — cute as a button and charmingly shy, clutching a rag doll in a bright red dress with one arm and clinging to her mother's leg with the other, and peeking at Garak from behind it in spite of Garak's donning of his most unthreatening expression.
"And how are you doing today, Mister Garak?" The young woman's smile was openly kind, but she looked rather tired and he decided not to correct her on the point of address.
"Very well, thank you," he smiled in return, setting down the embroidery frame (which was now almost full of bright patterns of colored thread) on his lap and moving over slightly to provide her with plenty of room to sit down. "I hope your husband is feeling better today…?"
"He is, thank you." She picked up on the signal and shook her head. "Oh no, we're just here for a moment — Ajara was getting restless, cooped up in that Infirmary, so we're going for a little walk, aren't we, precious?"
Araja nodded, but her eyes were now fixed on the embroidery in Garak's lap. He turned his attention to her and used his softest voice: "Hello, Araja. It's very nice to meet you." He tilted the frame so that she could better see the fruits of his labours. "You like that, do you? Isn't it pretty?"
She nodded tentatively, glanced up at her mother's encouraging smile, then moved out from behind her the tiniest bit, looking into Garak's face with a child's solemnity. Gazing back into her wide green eyes, he was struck by a generous impulse: "You know your mother's been very kind to me, don't you? She loaned me this lovely shawl to help me keep warm, and I've been thinking about what I could do to return the favour." He leaned a little nearer and was pleased to see her move back an equivalent amount: sometimes children perceived things so much more clearly than adults, and he thought she could see what he was beneath his amiable exterior. "Why don't you come by the shop with her tomorrow morning, the sooner after the quarantine is lifted better, and I'll have something nice embroidered for your dolly — just for you. How does that sound?"
Her mother's eyes widened. "Oh, that's really not —"
"It's the least I can do, madam," Garak insisted — gently, but firmly. "You can pick up the shawl, and Araja can have some embroidery of her very own to take home with her." He smiled at the child again, this time with genuine kindness: training and vocation aside, he appreciated the innocence of the young mind, untainted by unpleasant experiences. "It won't be much — just a sash for her doll — but it will give me something else to do to occupy my time."
After a moment's thought, Ms. Fedaro nodded and glanced down at her daughter, who was firmly attached to her leg again. "If you'd really like to… How does that sound, darling?"
"That sounds nice," Araja whispered, then reluctantly tore her eyes away from Garak — she was, he suspected, watching him with the same fascination a mouse accords to a snake — and looked soulfully up at her mother. "Can we go back now?"
"Of course we can! Maybe Doctor Bashir has some more news about Papa." She turned her smile on Garak again. "He's a friend of yours, isn't he?"
Garak nodded, reflecting that the term "friend" now covered quite a bit more territory than it had only forty-eight hours ago.
Ms. Fedaro nodded in turn, as if unsurprised. "Well, he's a very nice man."
"The nicest man I know," Garak agreed, and for once he was telling nothing more nor less than the absolute truth.
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Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 20:57 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:09 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 20:12 (UTC)Here; have the opening:
Spencer Reid didn't know exactly when or why Jack Hotchner had chosen him for his confidante, but the fact remained that when Jack had questions he didn't want to ask Hotch, he asked Spencer. It had been puzzling the first times it happened, and Spencer still wasn't overly confident in his own abilities to communicate coherently on the level of a 6-year old boy, but when Jack ask him, Spencer can't just turn away.
And so, it wasn't as much of a surprise as it probably should have been, that Jack wanted Spencer to put him to bed on his birthday. Hotch just smiled and nodded his permission and although Beth looked a little tight around the edges, Spencer did as Jack wanted.
What Jack usually wanted was for Spencer to turn off the lights and recite a bedtime story in the darkness. Spencer could do that, easily even, and he thought that it was probably one of the reasons why Jack regularly picked him to put him to bed when Spencer visited around bedtime. Not that he'd done that much in the past four or five months. Things were different now that Beth was around, and every time he got to put Jack to bed now, he worried might be the last time.
This night, however, once Spencer had turned out the lights and taken a seat on the edge of Jack's bed, Jack spoke before he had a chance to begin his story.
"Can I tell you a secret, Spencer?"
"Of course you can, Jack. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"
There was a rustling of hair against linnen that probably signified Jack nodding.
"I know. Spencer... Don't tell dad, but... I don't really like Beth."
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Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 20:40 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:04 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 20:29 (UTC)I'm looking for a beta for about 1-2 chapters if anyone feels up to reading something from an unfamiliar fandom or with unfamiliar characters. The fic in question happens to be from a fairly dead fandom (Hana Yori Dango), consisting of practically all original characters - a bit of an oddball in fanfic. I'm more than willing to offer myself up as beta too, or if someone wants to trade, etc. :) FYI, snippet below is from the fic.
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She could not believe it.
The self-righteous bastard wasn't a teacher - he wasn't even a student teacher. And he actually had the audacity to sit there, draped over his chair like it was made for him, and raise his eyebrow at her.
Her eyes narrowed. And for a moment, all he did was look right back at her - neither acting nor reacting, until, just slightly, he tilted his head and one corner of his lips quirked faintly, like he was amused.
Her fists clenched, the wad of gum wrapper crinkling under her fingers, and Nao wasn't sure what possessed her to do it, but her arm surged up with a life of its own and hurled the offending thing across the room at him before she had the chance to stop and reel in the uncharacteristic impulse.
A flicker of unchecked surprise flashed across his face, and Nao didn't know which was worse - the fact that she had actually resorted to launching crude, childish aerial attacks at strangers, or the fact that she missed her mark by so wide a margin it was painful to watch.
It shot through the air, skidded off a shoulder, and parked itself atop the head of a lanky boy that looked like he had been trying to sleep. Nao watched, half in distress and half in morbid interest, as the boy's hand snaked up to swat the gum wrapper off his brown hair before he unfolded himself with an irritated jerk. However, instead of turning towards her as she had expected him to, he simply started talking, clearly annoyed.
Vaguely aware that she still had music playing, Nao pulled at the wires and popped the earphones off in time to catch the end of his tirade-
"-mmit, I'm trying to sleep here, Satoshi! What are you doing in our class anyway- don't you have French?"
His voice was unusually loud, and it took a moment for her to realize that it was actually the noise level in the class that was oddly subdued, like the room had quieted down just to hear the boy talk.
Someone giggled. And then it was like the entire class bled into view, coming to life all at once: the irritated boy reclining back on his chair - long legs sprawled out and one hand sweeping a cluster of crumpled paper off his desk; the other boy - Satoshi - sitting one seat up (and was that actually a girl perched on his lap?) with his chair facing backwards and gum wrappers in hand; the large group loitering about - close by and yet not too close like they were awed by the mere opportunity to breathe the same air those boys were breathing; and finally, him, at the center of it all, still leaning casually against his desk, looking at her looking at him. As though she hadn't just tried but failed to murder him with gum wrapper.
None of those three were wearing school uniforms.
"Oye, Shun, that one wasn't me," Satoshi said in a tone that sounded like he couldn't quite believe it. Then he grinned and jabbed a finger at her. "She did it."
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Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 20:38 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:00 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 22:45 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 13:47 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 07:05 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 13:47 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 20:39 (UTC)“John Watson has every desire to make the military a life-long vocation. It suits him.”
She grabbed the railing to steady herself. “And with every deployment, he stays away from London. Oh, you bitch. How could you do this to him?”
“John Watson doesn't think there's anything amiss.”
“How could you do this to me?”
“John Watson doesn't think there's anything amiss.”
“What's to stop me from taking this watch to him right now and making him open it?”
“There is a perception filter on the watch, for his protection.”
“You've just thought of every angle, haven't you?” She kicked the base of the console, wishing that her rival had a different, easier to damage form. “Well there's one thing you didn't think of. You're stuck here too. You're going to run out of power and then you're going to die. And then you're going to rot, a million miles away from home, from everything you ever loved.”
“So will you.”
“No. That's where you're wrong. Everything I ever loved is right here on this planet.”
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Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:03 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:13 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:03 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 21:14 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 02:50 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 22:13 (UTC)Here's the ending of the first fic. I'm not sure if the ending's awkward and should be thought out better.
----
Justin gave him a stare before actually answering. “Angry. Confused. My dad lied to me about who my Mother was.”
“He didn't lie. Rita didn't raise you, didn't care for you. Your real mom did.” They just sat there for a while for Justin to process everything.
“What if I'm like her?”
“You won't be.”
“But...”
“Look, Rocky sent you, but the Powers chose you. Besides, you have us to help you out,” he argued. “Did I ever tell you how I first became a Ranger?”
“Uh huh.”
“I was new to Angel Grove,” he began, “And I ended up fighting Jason in a spar. Rita was watching for people that could take on the Power Rangers and saw me. After testing me with a few putties, she brought me up to her Moon palace and made me her Green Ranger. I was working for her.”
“I almost destroyed them. Tore apart the Command Center, disabled Alpha and sent Zordon someplace where the Rangers couldn't contact him. I was fighting them and was holding a sword that kept me in the power of Rita. They destroyed it and I was freed from her spell. They could have turned their backs or hurt me, but they didn't. They knew that it wasn't my fault. It's not your fault you're related to Rita.”
He pondered over the small story before a small smile stole on his face. “I guess you're right.”
Tommy threw an arm around him and dragged him up. “Come on, Kat was supposed to be performing today. We promised her we wouldn't miss it,” he reminded.
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Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 22:55 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 14:51 (UTC)XD I found that part really amusing somehow.
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 15:51 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 23:06 (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, February 17th, 2012 23:12 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 02:46 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 13:42 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 00:15 (UTC)I am being very sick today. ;_;
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 01:32 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 16:53 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 13:44 (UTC)Hope you feel better soon. It's great that you still got 550 words out even while sick though!
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 16:54 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 05:31 (UTC)I'm looking for an alpha reader who can just read a 20K fic and tell me your impression/feeling/opinion. No fandom knowledge is needed.
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 06:43 (UTC)Anyway, I actually totally need a beta! Not right away, actually, but probably by the end of the month. I'm looking for somebody familiar with Negima - any version of canon, really, except maybe for the second anime series - who'd be willing to give my fic a characterization check. My usual beta isn't familiar with the canon, so I'm not sure if she's even going to agree to look it over to begin with, but even if she does, she can't check for OOC.
Here is a snippet from the moment I thought, "You know what? I am kind of surprised, but this villain is almost weirdly likable here (probably because she comes off as a bit of a dork)," during the scene in which Chigusa Amagasaki and her lawyer Fate are at a construction site in order to broker a deal with an assassin to have the police commissioner's daughter killed. I should warn that this is a first draft that hasn't had anything done to it except a quick spell check, though, so it definitely still needs work.
--- --- --- --- ---
"I hope you will forgive the mess. We're still in the construction phase."
"So I see," she said dryly. "What is this going to be, anyway?"
"Oh, nothing of any importance, I'm afraid. This is just a little vanity project of mine."
For some reason, she found the thought of somebody like him having any vanity at all hard to believe, let alone enough to make an entire project out of it. A faint trill of amusement coursed through her, but she quickly stifled it. "Well, I take it we have a meeting to get to. Lead on."
"Of course. One moment," he said, leaning into a bin just inside the front gate. She looked at him curiously as he rooted around for a few moments before plunking a hardhat down over his platinum white hair. It was all she could do to refrain from laughing. He looked ridiculous. Then she noticed that he was extending one to her, and she raised one eyebrow, decidedly baffled. "Safety first," he explained in the same patient, even tone he always used.
She honestly couldn't tell if he was making fun of her or not, and so she contented herself with scrunching up her face in a general show of distaste. He kept his arm held out to her, though, and after a few moments, she relented with a sigh, snatching the hardhat from his grasp and placing it on her head. "Fine. Now can we go see the person about the thing?"
He nodded, graciously ignoring the chance to remark on her questionably vague choice of wording, and gestured for her to follow him. As she took her first step forward, she felt her shoes squelch into the mud and winced. Those were expensive. Oh well, she'd just take it out of his paycheck.
Several yards in, though, she noticed a sign that read Future home of the Eternal Garden Home for War Orphans and felt a familiar jab in her gut. That was his "little vanity project?" A home for war orphans? She hadn't expected it would be something quite so... noble. She wanted to say something to him about it, but decided to remain silent - which was just as well, since there seemed to be a golf ball currently lodged in her throat.
They walked into a first-floor room about halfway down the row and pushed their way through several protective layers of tarps to reveal what appeared to be a temporary office - long folding tables with metal chairs lined the far wall and the adjacent left-hand wall, and in the corner was a closed-circuit television displaying footage of several key areas around the site. At the opposite end, there was a small desk with a coffee maker perched on the edge. Sitting in the middle of it all with her hands neatly folded sat an unassuming blonde wearing a bright pink frilly dress, an overly large sunhat, and a pair of distressingly thick glasses. The girl smiled alarmingly wide and waved at Chigusa's lawyer. "Hiya, Fate-han!"
Chigusa blinked a few times to make sure her eyes were working properly. When she realized they were, she frowned and rounded on him, pointing an accusing finger at the offending girl. "What the hell is that?"
"Your assassin," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, stepping into the middle of the room. "Allow me to properly introduce the two of you. Amagasaki-san, this is Tsukuyomi. Tsukuyomi-san, Chigusa Amagasaki."
"Pleased to meet you, Chigusa-han!" Tsukuyomi chirped.
Chigusa felt an eyelid twitch. He had to be joking.
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 14:15 (UTC)Oh and I liked the snippet you shared! It made me curious about Negima again. I picked it up and read a couple of chapters some years back when it was released, but I don't really remember much of it aside from a young kid who knows magic and taught a bunch of girls. :P None of your characters sound familiar at all, but they've caught my attention in the fic - especially the lawyer and the assassin. :)
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 23:45 (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 07:25 (UTC)Also just right now Beta B for my Big Bang emailed me her corrections, but I'll look through those tomorrow as it's getting close to midnight where I'm and will be sleeping in a bit, lol.
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Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012 14:31 (UTC)